How time flies
I do remember the time when I'd finished Bio test in SPM
the joy
the urge to break free
the urge to soar
the urge to roam into the sky
for I'd been too tired preparing for this test
which now only I realized that it's just...
a piece of useless toiletries
And my naivete makes me to think that
this is the end :) THE END ...
But later, to my astonishment, this is only the beginning ...
I'd been too naive that time ...  
You may laugh at me :)

so the story jumps to the severe depression that struck me so badly
that money rules the world, and it'd never stop ruling the world
Until dooms day, shall I say? Maybe.
So do hatred, desires, a will to outwit others begin to take their roots in me...
And I feel as if...
I was die a naive boy, and reborn another phoenix that's ready to strike at any time

Still
the fact that people around me are typically despicable and idiotic as they're
never change
and I do hope that this fact doesn't change at all
and I'm waiting for my chance to ourstand, outwit, outlast and outsmart them
I'm still holding on to the faith that God is fair :)
and He is simply too fair
thanks for giving me a brain, though not very genious
I don't blame for giving me a diminutive stature ( I'm just trying to be humourous )

The world is changing
despite the fact that the people are still idiotic
I've been too complacent during this holiday
I think I shall start to work out something else
before everyone outwits me.

Is the world around me changing or am I the only one who changes?
I think I prefer the latter than the former.
Fuck, what's happening to me again?
Puberty? Well it has started long ago, I mean physically
But there's another part of me, sigh
Damn! I feel like I've been surrounded by so many idiots nowadays
as if the whole universe owes me
and all the fucking people around me revolving in my life are so despicable and idiotic
Damn.
My temper has been bad and now it becomes worse than the worst
Every time I feel like losing my temper and find no way to lose it in a more
hmm.. satisfactory way.
and my choice of word that I used to spout out when I'm being irritated has changed too
and it changes from a level of mild to very blatant and obnoxious
such as You stupid > idiot as you are > chibai > asshole > Dim-wit > FUCKER!
LOL, in conclusion, no sign of positive changes that are playing in me

In the other hand, I had finished 40% of Grace's sensual novel - The other side of the midnight
Finally, I get a hunch of what the stupid title has got to do with the story line
I suppose it means doing something stealthily behind someone, conspire something else
and then when the person you hate is off guard,
you strike him/her hard, avenge for yourself, destroy the person
watch him/her suffer while you yourself folding arms revelling in the satisfaction.
The funny part of this novel is that
It's hard not to be horny halfway reading it haha ...
Never mind, I'm loving the extreme ~

So now the changes that strike me out of a sudden have had a substantial impact on my thinking
I wonder did I ever have a crush in the "girls" at my school
well, my friend can tell who they are easily
I wonder is it a craze, a fashion or what
but one thing for sure that would never change
I'm not gay ^_^
Sometimes I wonder what's true love also @. @
and my preoccupation on this matters only complicate my life
So I decided to put it aside first
and amusingly, you know what am I going to say
Concentrate in my .... haha, it's so boring every time that I've to say this
But I make a promise to myself
Once I've had enough assets
I'll taste what I like

Tears gushing out to my eyes
clouded both of my eyes
until my eyes can't hold anymore tears
they start to flow out involuntarily
creating a stream of tiny droplets
glinting off any light rays that fall on it
watery and yet salty
maybe it signifies the emotion that has been suppressed too long
So I let it be .
FIRST TIME...
I shed tears because of exams
I'd never done that before.
And why I feel so low to the extent of shedding tears?
Maybe STPM meant a lot to me

How ridiculous am I ...
People say exam is not everything
I guess Albert Einstein's grades were quite poor during his school days
but then at the end
he had himself toiling in his own world
and finally he formulated the equation E = mc2
yes, maybe exam is not everything, maybe for him
but I do not want to have the same life as him
so EXAM meant a lot to me D:

Haiz, I really feel that
God had me fooled
in a very ridiculous and cruel way  
But for the time being, for now, for this instant
I'll just let my tears flow ..
For this is the only means that can make me stronger.

It has not been a smooth sailing nowadays haiz
Have to deal with so much psychological changes that are happening in me
Emotional changes, perception towards life and girls ...

Speaking of girl
YQR is becoming prettier and prettier /.\
I don't know why I think that she's pretty!
Maybe it's because she has boyfriend le barh?! haha
Hope she becomes fat fat la!

Another girl again
Same class with me de is becoming hotter and hotter also /.\
My perception =.=
Is it because she has had a broken relationship before? :x Sorry ah Droisyer
Haizzz, this is the changes that I've to deal with ><

Studies?
Haizz
Nowadays I'm really stress with my studies
know what?
TRIAL IS IN THIS OCTOBER !
And comes the real one in this November
It would be better if it's so easy to give up in this case haiz
But wait,
the real life of mine hasn't start yet
So I can't give up right now!

Haizz, I'm tired. really :(
When can I stop all these miseries?  
Sleepy.
Tomorrow tuition again after a sleepy Saturday schooling day

Nowadays I hav an urge to grow up ><
I don't know why
Maybe I'm really tired of being a student
who only studies everyday
just to get fly colours
get admitted to renowned varsities
graduated with a cert
and seek for employment
D:

Life is so boring
tomorrow I'm gonna attend that stupid "tuition marathon"
and then tiredly come back home
take a nap for awhile
and then continue with my work
Argh! The maths assignment I have no idea how to do the introduction and conclusion~!
Nvm, will go and copy from someone else on Monday
probably is Li Ting d lor?
Who's more outstanding than both of us? =.=

Sian, how I wish my fellow former classmates to be taking STPM with me
I can find no one for revision
for clarification on projects, works, assignments, homework ><
but only Li Ting
a girl whom I seldom talk to for the past years
Laugh
Speaking of her
I have no idea why the class always thinks that I'm very suitable with her
Seriously, I've no chemistry with her xD
But it's ok if she's willing to play with me?
Just for the experience and fun
Oh ya, this is the kind of life that I'm seeking when I finish my hell-est study
Probably will be at the age or 25
$.$ Hope that I'm able to graduate from NUS
then I can earn SG Currency
then I can spend my money on whatever I like
Branded clothes, house, luxury cars, food at expensive restaurants... Travel
Lim Teh with my very very good friends ~~ :D
I even imagine myself having a wardrobe
to crammed in all the branded garments, from top to bottom
which range from clothes & bottoms, underwear, socks, shoes, wallets & watches
( well, I know this sounds girlish, but this is how a rich guy's home should look like
You typical dumb ass who thinks this is way too feminine )
women will be my last expenditure
seriously, I'm not that kind of guy who will spend on a woman
which I deem this action as very stupid
If the woman truly loves me, she will come to me no matter how poor I'm
but as said before
if it's for pleasure and fun, I'm willing to
cos' if don't enjoy at young age,
I won't be able to do all these things at twilight years.

Sorry, I digress too much xD
If I'm not mistaken, before the point at which I digressed is about Li Ting right? haha x)
Sometimes I really feel very embarrass lor
when the classmates presume that we're so matched ><
But let it be, this is SCHOOL LIFE :x
( Hell ya, my English and contents improved a lot xD )

Don't think I'm only good at studies
and only care about studies
what I do now is to prepare myself for a pleasureful life in the future
I admit that I've the talent in science, Maths and memorizing
so, I'll just make use of it which is gifted by God and my mum

Hm, actually I was reading chemistry
But suddenly I've an urge to post this
in case my feelings have gone and I can't write ~~
So, it's time to get back to reality now haha!
Byes~~~

Let's see a summary of my little miserable holiday life :

Wake up, Eat, Drink Sleep

what more else?

Revision lor, sometimes chat with that sohai Droisyer Kent

Oya, went to a gathering with old classmates. 

Ok, despite my miserable life, let's talk about my "love life"

haha, ( So funny, I don't even have love life la, just things about relationship )

I found that, actually. There's really no chemical reaction between us x.x

Before that, let me add something  

I found that YQR is becoming prettier and prettier /.\

( Say first hor, I never like her =.= ) 

Idk why I think this way~ maybe it's because her charisma bah haha 

But I feel sad for someone also, who likes her

( Although Idk now he still likes YQR or not ) 

Talking about chemistry

Nowadays I really lost my enthusiasm in this kind of thing d  

And I'm really confuse that do I have chemical reaction with her  

Now my mood is like I really have no interest in this kind of thing d =.= 

And I've lost my enthusiasm in girls d. really =.=  

I just want to flirt around 

But what I need to do now is study first =.=

Then only I can get money and flirt around ~~ 

Conclusion : I'm not looking forward for a true love 

*Testing testing
Why now my blog post can't be written in "poem form" ? =.=
o.O I think I found a way :P

Ok, the setting above is so not my mood
Let's talk about my Pre-U Life
It's quite fun la actually the school life
because my class is full of pranksters ahaha
Everytime lessons sure have a lot of jokes
and my friends and I are always up to many jokes :x

But sometimes despite the happy moments at school
when I've gone back to home,
I found that actually ... I'm quite lonely
Despair...
Lost...
Form 6 is really tough la
Overwhelm with mountainous homework.
The syllabus is quite hard also
A lot of difficult concepts, formulas
I found that it's actually the same with A-level
but what makes the difference is I'm pursuing this at a government institution
Haha, every time doing lab experiments
when encountering insufficient lab apparatus
I'll be sitting there, whining and complaining
"Aiya, government school is like that de la..."
Though, I'm still grateful that I met a lot of good people there

Seriously, every time when I'm doing my homework at home
I'm overwhelmed with a sense of lost
I'm really lonely
Because I feel like I'm the only contender in my own journey of life.
another thing is, I really don't find having a girlfriend appealing
haiz, no money, no car, geeky look
plus this is really not the suitable time to have a girlfriend.
Speaking of sense of lost, why?
I'm not sure what I've been doing now is worthy or not
Public speaking, Prefect, and more will be coming
I'm really lost ><
But doing nothing also doesn't do any good to be either
So, persevere it barh  :)

Finally, I found out that reason why I miss the past
Very long ago, I assume that I miss my friends in high school
but unfortunately, it's not
After I took my SPM cert, my whole life changed
the way I think, my philosophy
I miss the once naive, childish me
And not living in the fear of my future route
But after that day, which I took my SPM cert
Cruel realization struck me badly
yar.. Money rules the world
EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MONEY MONEY!
Without money, everyone can't survive.
Compare to my past,
as said before, I'm so naive that
I only know to study study
and I study without many worries
Now I'm in a situation in which
Does my hard work guarantee me a successful future?!
Does it worth my investment ?
Well, my participation in public speaking is the first approach
Being a prefect is the second approach.
and more and more will be coming
I really miss the past, the time when I'm living in a pleasant world
I really do not know why am I feeling in this way and doing so much thing
to show that I'm the strongest among my friends? Yes, maybe

an unchangeable fate
written by God
Honestly, I did not blame my fate
I'm still in search of the valuable values that I can reap in this arduous voyage.

That's all I wanna express
though I do not even give a damn to who's following my blog or reading it
it just simply serves as a platform for me to confide in.

"God wouldn't give yourself up if you haven't given up yourself"