It has been a week since the commencement of Secondary 6 But why did I still feeling boring? =.= Everyday I take a step into that school And I'm flinching by the awful thought of being in this school again well, come to think of it this is not the school problem or what it's my problem seriously I'm FUCKING sick of the environment surrounding me I don't know should I say the friends, the school or the teachers It's just I hate myself having to resort to taking Sec 6 whereas all my well-to-do friends are having a good time at colleges or other places with no worries of what their future might be. Why am I so sick of everything? I've yet to figure it out But one thing for sure MONEY, which is the root of evil is still ruling the world and it never stops ruling the world My life is really full of uncertainties I'm not sure whether can I make it to my dream or not I'm sick of everything D: My surrounding environment My friends Not because my friends are really bad or what It's just myself I find myself don't really chit-chat a lot at school like I used to last times Because what? The cruel realization that money never stops ruling the world Erhm, come to think of it I'm really lucky to have a "sohai" to seek solace of in Skype every night Actually, I don't really tell him everything But I don't really know what sustains the relationship between him and me Maybe he's in the same situation with me SICK OF EVERYTHING AROUND US BHAHAHAHAH! I hope myself never being born to this world But since I was granted this chance to being born to this "beautiful" world I would never give up ... To give up would mean surrender to my fate God? I still believe God although starvation, famine, injustice are prevalent everywhere And I'd strive for the best to keep Him writing my success story and I'm more than just one piece in this story :x (Sorry, my sense of humour still haven't die out huh?)

Oh
I found out that I don't live a fucking life
my life is just getting bitchy :P

If you read my post
You're in directly fucking me
because I'm fucking boring to dead ~~~~~
Why am I so fucking boring?
Maybe because I'm too tired of my fucking life
that I don't even fucking know that what am I doing now
and what fucking post am I typing using my fucking keyboard~~~

Yes
I need some entertainment which simply,
and also FUCKING
excites me

I fucking hate sitting in front of the computer
whining about how fucking is my life
but this is what fucking thing I can do for the time being /.\

Eventually, I'd turned into some kind of fucking person nowadays
WHY?
Actually
I don't even fucking know the reason
HAHAHA
I'm self-entertaining myself fuckingly.
It seems like I failed badly.
Byes

Yesterday night
I was flipping here and there
and thought of many things ..

I'm still
wearing a mask always
comparing Wern Yean with my other recent friends
I don't even wear a mask, or maybe a thin one
when I'm with Yean
but with other friends?
I'm always wearing a mask
which seems pure and innocent, maybe thick too, to others
but it might not be the one that the mask itself expected by others

Never mind the fact that it's like that
With Yean, I can talk a lot, even joke
and teasing each other
though it does the same for me and my other friends
but there's something lack of, which until now,
I still can barely recognize what it's

I confide a lot to her, more to the extend of me confiding to my friend
and I think she did the same too
once she told me a secret
and said that I may not reveal the secret to others
and I laughed at her that I'd no one to reveal to

Though
I'm still very good in terms of speaking with my current friends
but still, some thing is lack of at there
With her, I feel I'm more 'same class' with her
and she will listen and give some comments
maybe, "in exchange"
she'll told me some of her secrets too :）
that'd not be much barrier setting up between us
or if it does, the barrier is just a breakable one
whereas it's not the same if I'm with my current friends

I have come to this mind at the end of my thoughts
I don't need many friends
though I don't have many also
I had my mum, a home like this
and a very good confidante like her
I'm blessed.
who said one needs to have a lot of friends to live a happy life?

Day by day
I'm losing my enthusiasm in my job D:
But I can't deny that
this place makes me laugh the most haha!
especially those childish primary school students ^^
and some naughty kindergarten kids
xD
keep bleah me when I go behind to have my dinner
at night was ok, but not teaching pri school students again =.=
coz they really very noisy la, can't stand it
and today I damn happy coz
The noisy king, or so called 2012 best actor by Teacher Lim
stay back at school!
and then from 6 to 7.30 as usual lor
my pretty girls kena robbed by warden d
fine lor ^^
but I was instructed to take care of those kindergarten again
AWEFUL =.=!

but come to think of it
this job is quite ok compared with the stupid book shop

Do you know the feeling of
when your heart sank to the bottom of a deep pit
you heart pressure drop suddenly
and the rate at which your heart beats also decrease
then you feel like your body is busy synthesising hormones
Different kind of hormones start to circulate in your blood
and your tear gland becomes active again
and starts secreting tears actively

Sometimes I just don't feel like talking.
But some people around me perceive that I'm in a bad mood

O yea, now I feel resigned
just came back from Kuala Lumpur 1 day ago
I found that
I'm still quite miss that place D:
Though, I'll never return to that place again :)
My resolution is to study in Singapore
and live in Johor

1 thing
I really don't like living nearby anyone that I know
I prefer living by myself
living according to my tune
according to my own lifestyle
no one can control me :)

so,
I'm gonna find a work after finishing my JPJ test
tomorrow is 2012
day went by day
but I'm not prepared to be mature yet, really.
Yet, I will try to move on
and make myself use to the world of grown-up :)

again, I MUST
not fail in my life
I MUST prove that I'm more capable than anybody
:) Byes