Life is full of ups and downs
Hm.. what else could it be?

It has been a long time since I last blogged
again, life leaves me freaking devastated and so
I resort to writing this blog to share some of my thoughts
and some views of the world in retrospect

Life has been a smooth sailing during my UPSR, PMR and SPM years
so it means that I didn't really "get the chance" to experience failures
and taste what failures are like
but now, time has changed
Seemingly God is, once again, testing my patience
Listen to the following stories and you'll know why do I say so
Let me cite an example
I've been doing a lot of math exercises during Term 1
But however, in spite of my efforts, I still couldn't score in the Maths T exam in Term 1
then there were the PA and Physics
I still remember vividly how sad I was
when I saw piles of A4 papers ( exercises ) that I'd done so far
for Physics and Maths
well, PA didn't go well as expected
the essay questions that came out were a shock
Fine, endure it
Then, my 2nd example is :
The MUET recently
I checked my answers from a blogspot and I've got 16 mistakes
well, as if the answers in the blogspot might have a bit mistakes
too, logically, it only help out abit on my mistakes
and then there was the Writing test
up until now, I'm still overwhelmed but a great sense of uncertainties that
DID I WRITE ON THE CORRECT TRACK OR DID I DIGRESS?
How much is my degree of digression and how obvious it is?
How ...
so in conclusion, my STPM year, everything didn't go the way I expected them to be
I wonder what's more?
I don't dare to think anymore else
there are still Term 2 exam ahead, and lots of assignments waiting for me
but again, all these things are really leaving me heartbroken
despite all my efforts ...

Maybe I'm too lucky if compared to others ?
Last Saturday had a pleasant hang out with Droisyer
then joined by Carrick at night
as usual, there were boredom, laughter and what?
whatever friends can do
we even watched a movie called The Oz and I laughed out loud
maybe it was because I still didn't know how bad I performed in the MUET  exam
if I knew it, I think I might cancel the outing with Droisyer out of a sudden
Then at night, Droisyer confided everything on me and Carrick
to my surprise, his case was ... of course shocking
how could a girl did such things on him?
but then I think that the seriousness of his case is equivalent to my mood now
( of failing all my expectations despite all the efforts so far )
then before Carrick and Droisyer went back home
I was waiting at the bus-stop and started reflecting on myself
comparing the things that had happened to Droisyer with mine
What I could is just mere anger
because I'm not the one who experienced it
I wonder if I did
will I feel heartbroken? angry? depressed?
well, not to say further about Droisyer's relationship
hope he starts new all over again
probably with Ah Qiu? xD ( sorry, I need self-entertaining )

I've been so concerned about my studies > success > career > future
until I placed so little time contemplating about 'love'
To say it as a whole
I'm kind of a person that is very good, I think, good at managing my heart
to say it in a more scientific manner, I know how to control
I don't give all my heart to somebody
and if I did, knowing that it may be one-sided, or I shouldn't have done so
then easily, without any Herculean effort, I can hold back my heart
I mean, I like her, but then realizing that it's impossible
then I'll start on my "plan" or disliking her, neutralise my love for that girl
and proudly saying, I've done this once or twice
Love is too vague, I can't tell how many times have I done
coz at the first place, I also wasn't sure did I really fall for her
or it's just an "illusion" ? or some funny love out of boredom ?

Seriously, what I think now is my future
about how can I score in exam\
how to manage my time for my leisure time and study time
how to curb with my sad feelings over the MUET and Term 1 results
I've no time for love
if I have, then we shall make the most of the weekends
going out, chatting .....