How time flies
I do remember the time when I'd finished Bio test in SPM
the joy
the urge to break free
the urge to soar
the urge to roam into the sky
for I'd been too tired preparing for this test
which now only I realized that it's just...
a piece of useless toiletries
And my naivete makes me to think that
this is the end :) THE END ...
But later, to my astonishment, this is only the beginning ...
I'd been too naive that time ...  
You may laugh at me :)

so the story jumps to the severe depression that struck me so badly
that money rules the world, and it'd never stop ruling the world
Until dooms day, shall I say? Maybe.
So do hatred, desires, a will to outwit others begin to take their roots in me...
And I feel as if...
I was die a naive boy, and reborn another phoenix that's ready to strike at any time

Still
the fact that people around me are typically despicable and idiotic as they're
never change
and I do hope that this fact doesn't change at all
and I'm waiting for my chance to ourstand, outwit, outlast and outsmart them
I'm still holding on to the faith that God is fair :)
and He is simply too fair
thanks for giving me a brain, though not very genious
I don't blame for giving me a diminutive stature ( I'm just trying to be humourous )

The world is changing
despite the fact that the people are still idiotic
I've been too complacent during this holiday
I think I shall start to work out something else
before everyone outwits me.

Is the world around me changing or am I the only one who changes?
I think I prefer the latter than the former.
Fuck, what's happening to me again?
Puberty? Well it has started long ago, I mean physically
But there's another part of me, sigh
Damn! I feel like I've been surrounded by so many idiots nowadays
as if the whole universe owes me
and all the fucking people around me revolving in my life are so despicable and idiotic
Damn.
My temper has been bad and now it becomes worse than the worst
Every time I feel like losing my temper and find no way to lose it in a more
hmm.. satisfactory way.
and my choice of word that I used to spout out when I'm being irritated has changed too
and it changes from a level of mild to very blatant and obnoxious
such as You stupid > idiot as you are > chibai > asshole > Dim-wit > FUCKER!
LOL, in conclusion, no sign of positive changes that are playing in me

In the other hand, I had finished 40% of Grace's sensual novel - The other side of the midnight
Finally, I get a hunch of what the stupid title has got to do with the story line
I suppose it means doing something stealthily behind someone, conspire something else
and then when the person you hate is off guard,
you strike him/her hard, avenge for yourself, destroy the person
watch him/her suffer while you yourself folding arms revelling in the satisfaction.
The funny part of this novel is that
It's hard not to be horny halfway reading it haha ...
Never mind, I'm loving the extreme ~

So now the changes that strike me out of a sudden have had a substantial impact on my thinking
I wonder did I ever have a crush in the "girls" at my school
well, my friend can tell who they are easily
I wonder is it a craze, a fashion or what
but one thing for sure that would never change
I'm not gay ^_^
Sometimes I wonder what's true love also @. @
and my preoccupation on this matters only complicate my life
So I decided to put it aside first
and amusingly, you know what am I going to say
Concentrate in my .... haha, it's so boring every time that I've to say this
But I make a promise to myself
Once I've had enough assets
I'll taste what I like

Tears gushing out to my eyes
clouded both of my eyes
until my eyes can't hold anymore tears
they start to flow out involuntarily
creating a stream of tiny droplets
glinting off any light rays that fall on it
watery and yet salty
maybe it signifies the emotion that has been suppressed too long
So I let it be .
FIRST TIME...
I shed tears because of exams
I'd never done that before.
And why I feel so low to the extent of shedding tears?
Maybe STPM meant a lot to me

How ridiculous am I ...
People say exam is not everything
I guess Albert Einstein's grades were quite poor during his school days
but then at the end
he had himself toiling in his own world
and finally he formulated the equation E = mc2
yes, maybe exam is not everything, maybe for him
but I do not want to have the same life as him
so EXAM meant a lot to me D:

Haiz, I really feel that
God had me fooled
in a very ridiculous and cruel way  
But for the time being, for now, for this instant
I'll just let my tears flow ..
For this is the only means that can make me stronger.