As usual, my blog format is
first, my career / academy / school life
then world views
and finally relationship / women / girls

so, let's start off with the first one LOLL
hm.. Have just seen my results
no big deal
but it came as a shock for me that my PA got 4.0
beyond expectation x.x
because I thought PA was the hardest
then there was the Chemistry which really failed my expectation D:
ironically, I tuition for it and I got the suckest grade in it
Maths and Physics a bit sad though
but not for the time to cry haha
'cause after the exam last year
I've already "let the fiver flows out from my eyes'
so nothing ponder on la
luckily, I don't have to retake the subject which I hate the most
and then I've to really manage my time well
to re-study the term 1 syllabus for the three subjects
and now, I'm quite motivated to study ^^
it's a good thing though
nothing to elaborate more, what's done cannot be undone
just work hard for sem 2 ( which I'm doing now )

so now is to discuss about women / girls / relationship
I forgot to add "psychological changes"
xD
nowadays I feel like
I'm becoming more typical and typical
as man characteristics started to manifest in me :x
Seriously, now I really find her not so appealing anymore
as she '....' er hm ... fine, I'm just acting the way God has programmed man to be
then there is another one
nowadays I've been "whoring" around with her
(Sorry if I use the wrong word)
speaking from a man/boy's perspective
she's quite good-looking
And I find it normal for a man to do that
and on the other hand, such person like me
I do it without any malicious intent la =.=
Lately I found out a reason why am I keep doing this
although I know that we can't bear fruits
I found out that, this is quite an interesting job to whore around with her
as I can do more research on girls
about the way they think, they way to make them laugh
the way to keep a conversation going while making sure that they look into your eyes
( results : look into their eyes with some eyebrow motions when you're talking to them )
and the way to make yourself irresistible
sometimes I really wonder what maker her so interesti in me
until I always look at the mirror and thinking like Aristotle
I think it is most probably I'm too geeky or bookish
maybe on the other hand, unbeknownst to me,
she's doing the same things as what I do
- doing research on men
fine, as I said we can't bear fruits
so I shall continue doing it until I get a "fruitful" results or thesis

Life is full of ups and downs
Hm.. what else could it be?

It has been a long time since I last blogged
again, life leaves me freaking devastated and so
I resort to writing this blog to share some of my thoughts
and some views of the world in retrospect

Life has been a smooth sailing during my UPSR, PMR and SPM years
so it means that I didn't really "get the chance" to experience failures
and taste what failures are like
but now, time has changed
Seemingly God is, once again, testing my patience
Listen to the following stories and you'll know why do I say so
Let me cite an example
I've been doing a lot of math exercises during Term 1
But however, in spite of my efforts, I still couldn't score in the Maths T exam in Term 1
then there were the PA and Physics
I still remember vividly how sad I was
when I saw piles of A4 papers ( exercises ) that I'd done so far
for Physics and Maths
well, PA didn't go well as expected
the essay questions that came out were a shock
Fine, endure it
Then, my 2nd example is :
The MUET recently
I checked my answers from a blogspot and I've got 16 mistakes
well, as if the answers in the blogspot might have a bit mistakes
too, logically, it only help out abit on my mistakes
and then there was the Writing test
up until now, I'm still overwhelmed but a great sense of uncertainties that
DID I WRITE ON THE CORRECT TRACK OR DID I DIGRESS?
How much is my degree of digression and how obvious it is?
How ...
so in conclusion, my STPM year, everything didn't go the way I expected them to be
I wonder what's more?
I don't dare to think anymore else
there are still Term 2 exam ahead, and lots of assignments waiting for me
but again, all these things are really leaving me heartbroken
despite all my efforts ...

Maybe I'm too lucky if compared to others ?
Last Saturday had a pleasant hang out with Droisyer
then joined by Carrick at night
as usual, there were boredom, laughter and what?
whatever friends can do
we even watched a movie called The Oz and I laughed out loud
maybe it was because I still didn't know how bad I performed in the MUET  exam
if I knew it, I think I might cancel the outing with Droisyer out of a sudden
Then at night, Droisyer confided everything on me and Carrick
to my surprise, his case was ... of course shocking
how could a girl did such things on him?
but then I think that the seriousness of his case is equivalent to my mood now
( of failing all my expectations despite all the efforts so far )
then before Carrick and Droisyer went back home
I was waiting at the bus-stop and started reflecting on myself
comparing the things that had happened to Droisyer with mine
What I could is just mere anger
because I'm not the one who experienced it
I wonder if I did
will I feel heartbroken? angry? depressed?
well, not to say further about Droisyer's relationship
hope he starts new all over again
probably with Ah Qiu? xD ( sorry, I need self-entertaining )

I've been so concerned about my studies > success > career > future
until I placed so little time contemplating about 'love'
To say it as a whole
I'm kind of a person that is very good, I think, good at managing my heart
to say it in a more scientific manner, I know how to control
I don't give all my heart to somebody
and if I did, knowing that it may be one-sided, or I shouldn't have done so
then easily, without any Herculean effort, I can hold back my heart
I mean, I like her, but then realizing that it's impossible
then I'll start on my "plan" or disliking her, neutralise my love for that girl
and proudly saying, I've done this once or twice
Love is too vague, I can't tell how many times have I done
coz at the first place, I also wasn't sure did I really fall for her
or it's just an "illusion" ? or some funny love out of boredom ?

Seriously, what I think now is my future
about how can I score in exam\
how to manage my time for my leisure time and study time
how to curb with my sad feelings over the MUET and Term 1 results
I've no time for love
if I have, then we shall make the most of the weekends
going out, chatting .....