I met a girl
She has a lovely name just like you
That always echoes in my heart
She never fails to hold me spellbound
Captivating, mesmerizing, tantalising...
She loves to wear light make up
What with a glossy red lips
Not to mention her sweet smile with glistening whie teeth
She studies English Literature
And sort of sends me revelling in my Angmoh fantasy
Because you know what?
She doesn't speak Mandarin
She is a classy 21st century lady who plays the cello
Which, again, makes me "wow-out-loud" that..
She's my cup of tea
She just has that gracious vibes that tickle all my senses
Especially when she is playing the cello
Slowly, gently, calmingly fiddling through the strings
Producing soothing sounds that resonates in the empty, battered heart of mine
Then on one fateful night
I dreamt of you
My miraculous encounter with her no longer excites me
I envision myself holding her hands and thinking about you
That is when I realized I've not moved on
And my heart still inhabits a person
Who would never render me paradise

Tada! Back to blogging again out of boredom.

Again, this blog still serves as my personal platform to express my feelings, views and perspectives, my personal affairs, etc etc

Lately many things ( to me it is many things ) happened!

First, it's the announcement of my Year 1 Semester 2 exam result

By the way, what is so big deal about the release of result isn't about what I got 

(Well, I got a meagre 4.74, don't flame me please, I really thought I can at least secure a 4.9x) 

So before digressing further, I reiterate I'm not really gonna emphasize more on my result ha

*Sigh*

She didn't even bother to ask anything about my results

Sometimes it really makes me feel like as if all this while

I have always been the one who is hovering over her 

She didn't even ask anything about me, not even what I've been doing lately 

Yea, I admit that I kinda feel sad about that

I still cannot forget her, and it's almost 2 years 

I haven't moved on, I haven't forgotten how she made me feel 

I've always been thinking of her, EVERY DAMN TIME 

And she doesn't seem to show any concerns on my life

I'm super selfish and at the same time foolish

I hope she would reciprocate my feelings on her

But she doesn't, and I'm fed up

Right now I just want to take a break and stop thinking about her

Enough of my feelings towards a girl

As of today, I really have no idea what my colleagues are thinking about

What I mean here is, what the fuck is really in their head?

Like my supervisor, I asked her to bill for a customer while she was "going frenzy" with her business with the computer

Then she was like : What? You don't know how to bill?

Funny, how can people be so weird? 

You're my supervisor, and it's very unlikely that a blue-collared worker like me would ask you to do the job for me   

She pek chek for what? If I know how to bill, will I ask you to do the job for me? 

Then she said something like this

"Do you know how busy am I? There are so many people to ask and why don't you ask them blah blah? You don't know how to bill is it, come and learn now, etc etc"

And not to mention a "micro-manager" that was assigned to me as my mentor ever since the first day I worked there

Amazingly, she is like, she just has that aura of being a micro-manager

It's like everything I did can generate so much comments from her 

For instance, once I greeted a customer and lead them to somewhere comfortable for a sit with 2 sofas, somewhere which is farther than the other seats where the customers are sitting

Then she was like : Hey, next time when many customers are sitting at a certain area, you lead the new customers to seats in that area k? Like that easier for you to collect their plates when the customers leave right? This is logic, isn't it? 

Hello, may I ask you, how the heck can I ever come to this uncanny thinking of yours?
I always prioritize the customers' comforts okay? 

If you were the customers, where would you want to sit? 

Does it matter if the customers sit farther a little away?

After all collecting plates is also my job and you don't have to do it anyway ok?

So in conclusion : They are very weird ~.~

Ok, enough of my ranting.

Bye. 

It was a serene morning when I scrambled for everything I needed to wear to the Graduation Ceremoney of SMKTD after having a shower. Yup, couldn't believe our "chap-plang" school has got graduation for its students? Hehe, but this is not the point. What I did and what I caused is what I'll tell you in this blog, which will live with me for the rest of my life, even if I get married or whatever.

So obviously everyone dressed up on that day and so am I, well, if you call that being "dressing up". Just a simple black tie, white long-sleeve shirt and black slack pants, and of course last but not least, the "heel" to gives me the height that Pei Teng gave me.

Then there she is, as tall as I'm, much to my satisfaction. I still remembered vividly how she dressed up that day, which I didn't like too much LOL. I wasn't feeling anything on that day either.

Then God decided to do a trick on me on that day. The plot, the usual plot of enjoying every performance while trying to deceive yourself into thinking the food there are nice, trying to take as many photos as possible since it might not be possible to do so in the future, trying to .... The plot has taken a twist when some unknown magic struck me so hard to take a leap of faith to do something foolish. Still wasn't sure how I felt, I asked Rina out and "ran my errands".

I asked her to come to the top of the hotel as I have "something important" to tell her, only to be treated in oblivion until now. No jokes, I gave her pillow instead of flowers. She accepted it, much to my surprise, and she didn't seem unhappy about it. We chatted awhile. And we .... our story ends.

I may forget what she said to me, but I will never forget the way she made me felt. Now, looking back retrospectively, that was outright childish. I've no idea what I'd been thinking that day. I was perplexed, confused. I played a fool on myself, not to mention the immediate sorrow that hit me so hard to the core later. It's amusing that I actually care to tell this story now, even it's been a year. I think I've moved on. If I haven't, then it's time to move on. Maybe you'd say I still care about her subconsciously, but I really have moved on. I should thank her for giving me a taste of how it feels like to go head over heel on someone. Yup, we didn't progress to what it was supposed to go after that day, when chances are aplenty. The reasons are intangible, but somehow obvious. It was partly have something to do with my sense of inferiority, which had gotten the best of me. We stayed in contact for awhile, but not long ago, it tapered off again, and I don't really care much about it either, which I'm glad. I guess she moved on too? Haha.

You know... I'm still pretty much a boy who will cry and very much need a cuddle from my mum, although my mum is too ASIAN to do it. Something happened today which I'm not going to talk about. I also couldn't believe that my mood was totally ruined because of this. All the time during NTUSO meeting, I was just merely physically present there and listened to every details without voicing much words. The incident got to me so much that even seeing the hot girl during the meeting couldn't soothe me. Never mind, I will be fine, really :) 

Seems like I'm not going back for another week again, really have no mood to do so. So I will just stay here and "mug" myself all the way. 

Hey, I'm back to blogging again. Uhm so, I finally took a leap of faith to come to NTU to study under JPA Pengajian Ijazah Luar Negara (PILN) 2014, though not many of my friends know that I'm under this not so coveted scholarship like ASEAN, CN Yang, College scholarship. So far everything is just fine, with the seniors, juniors and last but not least, my fellow hall mates, whom I used to have lunch and dinner with them at the canteen. My roommate is also fine, he's a Sabahan, UEC background.

Apparently, I lost my smartphone so I couldn't take as many photos as I please. But seriously, Singapore is really a nice place! I'm so grateful that under my own circumstances, I'm still able to make it to NTU, though not from a very strong financial background. I also realize that, my dreams of studying in Singapore actually started when I was Primary 6. I still remember for no reason, I wasn't qualified for some "scholarship" or that I didn't meet the cut-off point to be selected to take some admission test to study in Singapore for Secondary 1. Then in Secondary 3, I applied for ASEAN but I didn't send my supporting documents, so I wasn't qualified again. And in Pre-U while I was still in the recovery period of devastated to take Form 6, I went to this ASEAN Pre-U Scholarship admission test to enter JC. Again, I wasn't qualified, maybe my English too sucks D: . So, after so many toils, I finally made it to NTU, but not under Singapore Scholarship, but under Malaysia Scholarship.

Enough said. Recently in one of the canteen, I came across this aunty who's selling ban mee. There is nothing special about this aunty. But one thing is she was toiling laboriously while serving me, and it kind of reminds me of my mother :) My mother earned a living selling noodles soup and chow kuey teow, bringing up 5 children, with me being the youngest. The aunty surely reflects my mother, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of sorrow. My mother worked so hard, for like 30 years? just to provide a better living for the 5 of us. But still, it's only enough for necessities of life ( food, drink, shelter, home, you name it ). Others like education, we've to work very hard to secure scholarship to fund our own studies. My brother and sister didn't make it to Singapore because they didn't dream big, but I do. So, I'm somehow touched when my mum finally can settle down, with my brother looking after her, after so many years of working. But then, it's not the end yet, I'm one of her worry for the time being too.

Just now I called her to say that how inconvenient it is that I don't have a smartphone because everything goes by Whatsaap or LINE. She quickly offered to temporarily give her smartphone to me. And I said how about your candy crush? She said no choice. I really feel warm after listening to that.

I've vowed to work harder in NTU. Seriously, there're no place for me to slack here. I've to work really hard, harder than the way in STPM, to excel in academic and CCA. I really hope that I still turn out fine in the future.

Hehe, Happy Chinese New Year Eve!
I've always wanted to blog recently but found no time to do it
And today suddenly I've the "urge" to blog to share some of my thoughts D:

Where to start with? Hm...
I'm currently working as an administrator at a tuition center
somehow in someway I felt I betrayed Mr Chew haha
Looking back at all the power Chemistry notes makes me miss the Form 6 times
despite that arduous period in my life
to cope with so many things, er hm, only I'm aware of what are the "things"
NEED TO GROW UP MAH...

My job as an administrator is far more relaxed than I first thought or expected. Generally, it's just receiving calls, liaise with teachers who come in, and prodding those students to pay their damn fees ( Well, this is really frustrating, they're always due and it's not good if me, an admin keep prodding them to pay their due fees ). But it turned out that the my current situation is rather more complacent than I thought, due to not many people come to that center. There, I met a dedicated teacher call Mrs Teoh who taught Mathematics T. I tell myself that if I'd known her earlier, I'd have attend her tuition classes. What a loving, responsible and dedicated teacher she is. So, during my free times, like 4 hours plus, I spent time reading newspaper and English book. Ha, hope my English will show a tremendous improve in the future! Nowadays, I'm reading a book called "Total Recall" telling about the lives of Arnold Schwarzeneggar, amount to 600+ pages. It's not a biography, it's sort of his stories in a more intriguing way, and that keeps my interest in that book going. And damn-ly, I forgot to bring it back to read the remaining pages left during this CNY period.

Hm... So my off day ends on next Thursday, as Mrs Teoh's class resumes on next Friday. And this Sunday I'm going to JPO with RINA~~~~~~~~ Couldn't be more excited than ever. Honestly, I find CNY less "appealing" to me anymore, at least for now. I've no idea why do I think this way. I never felt home in JB, nor other places. There aren't any places that offer a sense of home or a sense of belonging to me, really. I admit I miss KL, but that only disconcerts me as how I used to live in KL, compared to how I used to live now. It's not that I despise here, I don't despise anyone or any place ( I don't even despise FPT ). I just need a home, and nothing seems to offer me that feeling. I even said to myself that the only person who could offer this feeling to me is my future wife. I want to leave here and start a new life at other places. I decided that it would either be Singapore, KL or overseas. Johor has way too little job opportunities to me. Seriously, CNY is just a mere holidays for me, nothing.

It kind of upsets me when my dream to further my studies overseas is dimmed. Of course, due to financial constraints, even with JPA schoalrship. I'm really sad, but again, as I told you, I don't despise anyone, I don't despise my mum who can't help me, no anyone. Studying in UK is exorbitantly expensive, as I counted, the 4 years period would consume more than RM350,000, an amount which can be used to purchase a car or a posh car. So, parents who send their children to study in UK are really rich to hell! So, for the time being, I stop "dreaming" for awhile and settle for peace..... Working > Reading > Online > Sleep and the cycle repeats itself over and over again. I really need sometime of my own to go for a vacation :)

Suddenly feel like blogging =D
Hm I've deleted one of my immature post about something, not to mention it here

How's life? ( asking myself )
Seriously, found nothing fond or appealing after the arduous STPM ended
Feel happy though, however, having to think of the future really tires me a lot
First, I'm not born with a silver spoon in my mouth
of course have to find a university which courses offered I can afford
btw, why do I take STPM at the first place?
so that my options upon completion of it are wider
well, it isn't any wider because of "financial problems" haha
Money rules the world yeah.
Then there are also some uncertainties in the engineering courses that I've to deal with
so far have not decided which discipline I want to specialize in
and then there is the scholarship to think of
the interview, the questions the interviewer are gonna bombarded to me
to test my knowledge, command of language and everything ...
life is so tiring without much money huh?
not to mention, unhappiness too
but wait, happiness is very subjective isn't it?
Don't worry, I'm quite happy lar :)
I was just reporting on how "good" my life is nowadays ...
Never mind
Btw, am quite eager to know my STPM results
and is the ARASHI treat to FPT possible
actually I will also treat her if the conditions are not met la =.=
always fetch me, no need ji jiao so much

These few days I've been busy typing notes for future tuition teaching materials ><
Am not sure why I put so much efforts in it
But will try my best to make a living eh?
haha, life is quite boring also nowadays
just need some excitements
and I guess I've forgotten her completely?
hm, hope so
Sickening mind me
Have to move on
Dwelling on the past won't help but only hinder myself from advancing forward.
Seems like my maturity has grown an inch, but not height
pathetic.
BYE.