Life is full of ups and downs
Hm.. what else could it be?

It has been a long time since I last blogged
again, life leaves me freaking devastated and so
I resort to writing this blog to share some of my thoughts
and some views of the world in retrospect

Life has been a smooth sailing during my UPSR, PMR and SPM years
so it means that I didn't really "get the chance" to experience failures
and taste what failures are like
but now, time has changed
Seemingly God is, once again, testing my patience
Listen to the following stories and you'll know why do I say so
Let me cite an example
I've been doing a lot of math exercises during Term 1
But however, in spite of my efforts, I still couldn't score in the Maths T exam in Term 1
then there were the PA and Physics
I still remember vividly how sad I was
when I saw piles of A4 papers ( exercises ) that I'd done so far
for Physics and Maths
well, PA didn't go well as expected
the essay questions that came out were a shock
Fine, endure it
Then, my 2nd example is :
The MUET recently
I checked my answers from a blogspot and I've got 16 mistakes
well, as if the answers in the blogspot might have a bit mistakes
too, logically, it only help out abit on my mistakes
and then there was the Writing test
up until now, I'm still overwhelmed but a great sense of uncertainties that
DID I WRITE ON THE CORRECT TRACK OR DID I DIGRESS?
How much is my degree of digression and how obvious it is?
How ...
so in conclusion, my STPM year, everything didn't go the way I expected them to be
I wonder what's more?
I don't dare to think anymore else
there are still Term 2 exam ahead, and lots of assignments waiting for me
but again, all these things are really leaving me heartbroken
despite all my efforts ...

Maybe I'm too lucky if compared to others ?
Last Saturday had a pleasant hang out with Droisyer
then joined by Carrick at night
as usual, there were boredom, laughter and what?
whatever friends can do
we even watched a movie called The Oz and I laughed out loud
maybe it was because I still didn't know how bad I performed in the MUET  exam
if I knew it, I think I might cancel the outing with Droisyer out of a sudden
Then at night, Droisyer confided everything on me and Carrick
to my surprise, his case was ... of course shocking
how could a girl did such things on him?
but then I think that the seriousness of his case is equivalent to my mood now
( of failing all my expectations despite all the efforts so far )
then before Carrick and Droisyer went back home
I was waiting at the bus-stop and started reflecting on myself
comparing the things that had happened to Droisyer with mine
What I could is just mere anger
because I'm not the one who experienced it
I wonder if I did
will I feel heartbroken? angry? depressed?
well, not to say further about Droisyer's relationship
hope he starts new all over again
probably with Ah Qiu? xD ( sorry, I need self-entertaining )

I've been so concerned about my studies > success > career > future
until I placed so little time contemplating about 'love'
To say it as a whole
I'm kind of a person that is very good, I think, good at managing my heart
to say it in a more scientific manner, I know how to control
I don't give all my heart to somebody
and if I did, knowing that it may be one-sided, or I shouldn't have done so
then easily, without any Herculean effort, I can hold back my heart
I mean, I like her, but then realizing that it's impossible
then I'll start on my "plan" or disliking her, neutralise my love for that girl
and proudly saying, I've done this once or twice
Love is too vague, I can't tell how many times have I done
coz at the first place, I also wasn't sure did I really fall for her
or it's just an "illusion" ? or some funny love out of boredom ?

Seriously, what I think now is my future
about how can I score in exam\
how to manage my time for my leisure time and study time
how to curb with my sad feelings over the MUET and Term 1 results
I've no time for love
if I have, then we shall make the most of the weekends
going out, chatting .....

eh, the time is ticking
must work hard now
gotta stick to my old routine during SPM time
gotta memorize 3 pages of PA per day =.=

today I'm not in a good mood
SERIOUSLY
first of all, of course
it's because my speaking test today
I feel that I screwed up the Task A - Individual Presentation
I'd little points to say, which only amounted to 1 mins and 30 secs like that
and then my language was. hm shall I say, terrible?
I wasn't not the usual self of me that time
Terrible in a sense that I didn't think properly before saying
it means that my sentence structure had got some mistake
Haizzzz
Task B was quite ok
I was able to come up with idiom and good phrase
which had the examiners stunned
well, I noticed their reaction
maybe I wasn't so outstanding in Task A
that's what I could tell from the examiners' awe-in-surprise face
well, this is really making me moody all the day
plus having to stay back help teacher wash car as part of our stupid coco
fueled my moody disposition which then amounted to my anger
so I was quite pissed off when washing the damned car
I felt like we were being exploited
and we Science class students didn't get the chance to use to hose
and we were like some sort of peasants taking water from other place
laboriously taking it to the car to pour some water on it
what the f**k
stupid!
then I couldn't wait to go home
luckily Yuen Kun gave me a ride

but then after such moody half-day
I took a nap
then there I saw my mum
and know what?
She bought me a cloth
this indeed soothed my mood a bit
but still I'm also worry about my speaking performance
I'm still preoccupied with it now D:
I can't get it off my mind, really
Now I can only stay positive as possible as I can
as there are still 3 tests to contend with
particularly listening, reading and writting
fuck, I don't wanna retake the exam again
I feel like this form 6 life doesn't go the way I expect
having to retake some subjects for Sem 1 is already burdensome
now is the English test, haizzz What the Shit!
Why is it like that? D:
never mind, I believe when there's a will, there's a way
Now I must look forward
hope my other 3 tests could help me to compensate the marks lost in speaking
haizzz it seems like
The more you expect, the more you'd likely be disappointed.

Hm... have been too busy celebrating Chinese New Year xD
No matter how much I glamorous the Whites or western
I'm still feeling very proud as being a Chinese person haha
and I'm grateful that I get to learn Chinese
which gives me an edge in the later work life

I have no idea where to start from since it has been a long time since I last wrote
so let's start off with this Saturday
nothing special, went to Sedenak for reunion
Last but not least, we played firecrackers and of course
I always stick to my job as a person who babysits my younger
niece and nephew, whom I treat them as little brother and sister xD
and taking ang pao and gambling as well

Sunday I totally forgot what I did
but not for watching The Saw at home =.=
I'm kind of a person who likes blOOdy movies~~~

Monday went to Port Dickson
nothing much interesting and fun, though
the best part of it is I got to win a lot of money
with a total RM181, which I counted
from all my relatives
why? because they were not willing to be the banker
because all the way I was winning money
but since they granted me the chance,
Forcefully and reluctantly, I be the banker
and won all their money haha
but later was forced to treat them dessert D:

Wednesday went back to JB again
My spirit wasn't good as I had a terrible insomnia on Tuesday night
because I'd very serious stomachache
which I have no idea how I got it
guess it was from eating too much chillies

Despite the fact that all the way from Saturday until Wednesday
that I was full with activities
I still didn't get to rot at home on Thursday haha
went out with Pei Teng they all
visited Jason's house as well
and the best part of it that I learned how to play Mahjong haha!
See what fun had made :

The actual mastermind who actually hold a "casino" in his house LOL

But thanks to him for the free mahjong lessons haha

and then there were all of us who were playing mahjong like some sort of addicts who usually can only be seen in Hong Kong movie LoL

Before I forgot, we went to Secret Recipe for lunch

because The Toast was closed

and the food there are like freaking expensive

not worthy at all

but Secret Recipe will be my yamcha spot in my later life hahaha

one of my resolution ? =.= xD

and then I finally got the chance to rot on Friday!

of course watching The Saw is a must

and wen to Jusco with my mum, niece and nephew again

and damn I forgot to buy glue again =.= 

Can't wait to retrieve my RM250 vouchers! 

Saturday, which is yesterday

is the most memorable day that we ever had in our school life haha

because 6ASC finally show some little "Unity" 

like United States America, which is further divided into

North America and South America 

at which California, Brazil etc etc are her counterparts

( Although they are not really close to each other, but at least they unite LOL )

The analogue I use is 

we finally showed some little unity =.= 

we went to Chee Seng's house for mahjong first 

the girls play black jack or whatever

after that we went to Yuen Kun's house awhile

and gambled for about 45 minutes 

then we went to Wa Fu, a newly found good restaurant in Austin for lunch

the food there are relatively affordable, and can full our stomach 

Next time noobie Droisyer come back must go there eat la! -.- 

and then the others went for tuition

and we went to start our ULTMATE BORING ROTTING SESSION 

with the others who are not attending tuition classes in Mc Donald =.=

FOR APPROXIMATELY 2 HOURSSSSSS

It was really boring though, our unity seemed to break again

Li Ting with the girls talked their own stuffs

Pei Teng and the boys and me talk our own stuffs

and 1 more isolated fellow ( You know who I meant ) 

was starting his daily nerdy schedule of reading some anime comics

so it was entirely three different worlds, not even a gap that can be bridged LOL~

but lastly, the good me

took up the initiative and the role to play Truth or Dare with them 

and then we play lor ..... 

The greatest moment is that we don't feel like asking Miss Kuah a lot of questions

so we actually asked him to do a lot of funny things 

For example : 

there are still some which I was too lazy to snap photos of Miss Kuah

what if my iPhone's screen cracked, or the system hangs? 

I'm not willing to take the risk Okay!  haha

so 2 tedious but yet, fruitful? yeps

Fruitful approach to know our classmates better passed

and we went to fetched those tuition fellows

and then we went to Li Ting house

haha, her house has got a lot of biscuits 

and then we played Truth Or Dare again, using Black Jack =.=

those who "explode" with the greatest number kena lo. 

and then our last station before Steamboat was Beatrice aka Big MaMa's house

her house was so romantic~~, not until she switched on the white lights 

then we play the usual games again, Black Jack, Truth Or Dare, *Yawnss*

Pei Teng was unable to join us

then here came our dear Ying Sin, fetched by Big MaMa

So, at around 8.30 if I wasn't wrong

we were negotiating where to eat steamboat

and it came as a shock that

those girlssss actually plucked up the courage to drive to Molek LOL!

Once again, we squeezed in the little table to have our steamboat

hm, unity unity, at least we attained the greatest and the most virtuous element

UNITY !

So we ordered our food, which amounted to RM210

with RM18 per person, quite cheap eh? 

Hm, our smexy Big MaMa's photos ! Hahaha

it is a waste that she isn't a good gambler haha

which could be used to boost her charisma more! xD

Thank you Big MaMa for all the helpings xD

And then the girls drove us home 

so our days had ended

Haiss ( < it's not a sigh ) 

Chinese New Year has passed

what had I done so far?
well, with no regrets

I've down my part well, just not 100 % good 

I do my homework ( but not for CNY ) 

I studies what teacher taught

though I never listen to their lessons

but at least I read until where they stopped 

and then I pay attention in PA class although I hate this subject very much

then there goes the MUET 

I don't hate the teacher, I simply hate the lessons 

seriously I hate almost every lessons

but what sustains me is my interest

be it in physics or maths etc etc

once again, I did a lot of self reflection in this CNY

when I listen to my friend chee sing 

saying how he shopped all the malls in KL

I promise myself I'll have that lifestyle in the future

when my mum made dinner for me

I promise I'll take good care of her when she's old 

and I will learn to slow down my pace for everything

for not so pek chek at everything, even my mum haha 

and then relationship stuffs

I've learn to let go again

I'm not going to involve myself in this game before finishing my studies

probably before degrees .

coz I've no money for girls

then there're things which I learned from Ding Hui also

not to keep pestering girls as this irritates them a lot

then there is Mr Cheong Zhenan whom I learned a lot from too 

never fuss with everything although we're not the one who got the benefit 

well, he fetches me home every time after chemistry tuition on Sunday 

then there is Miss Kuah xD

I'll try to reduce my words acidity haha

and this is indeed the biggest moral challenge of mine 

but I'll try my best

now I almost stopped bullshitting about his gigolo business xD 

and then there're a lot of people's homes whom I visited

one need not be freaking rich to be happy 

if you're contented with what you have, then you will feel happy

although this one seems contradicts with my very first resolution 

of wanting to have some lavish lifestyle with extravagant spending

but at least, this did motivate me to study harder, and be a better person

with desirable characteristics

but as I said

I will be happy too if I can't this kind of extravagant richy lifestyles :)

and lastly, vengeance 

never ever hold a grudge and resent someone for what he or she

had done on you

like "her" 

If I do some sort of foolish things like seeking revenge or what

it only drags me down to her level 

which Droisyer have "brainwashed" me earlier LOL 

Okay, that's all ^^

Still unable to hide my eagerness to open my ang pao 

to discover how much money I actually got 

but have to wait until 初15 D:

and my family wouldn't be around for 7 days after tomorrow

they are going to Korea, my mum followed too 

and I sincerely wish them a safe trip

last but not least, hope my mum bought me some nice stuffs

not other noob out-fashioned stuffs during her others trips 

OPPPS, be contented :):):) 

Byes, gotta go now 

watch movie or continue with my unfinished homework ? -.- 

Recently, I've changed a lot

I can leave my homework undone and bring them to school

and today "downstairs" teacher gave a piece of her mind to me

saying that I double-standard-ed her or whatever

just because I didn't do her homework as she has told us to do on Friday

and that was when I knew that I've changed. 

And I've been picking up many bad habits recently

I can leave my homework undone

and go online or watching movies

like yesterday

shall I say

I'm just not myself for the time-being?

because something terrible is really happening in me 

well, I guess it's because of the stress 

that has been building up in front since long time ago

I remembered last time I always complain that

I didn't have enough time of FB-ing 

LISTEN, FB-ING...

during my most busy and hated week(s) 

which were the weeks when I had public speaking competition

Writing scripts, making lots of amendments to my scrips to make them sound nice

and then practicing in front of a mirror while holding my phone which acts as a stopwatch

I'm a total perfect of myself

still preserving what I always been 

and I also remembered during standard 1 to 6

I'd always forced myself to finish at least third quarter

of my mountainous homework before going to bed 

how time changes people... this is what I feel

I've been deteriorating nowadays\

and I'm gonna stop this by now

REFORM, is what I should do now 

and I'm gonna do it today

I'm gonna adjust the clock time in my phone

so I won't complain having not enough time for preparation before school

I'm gonna sleep at the latest 10.30 p.m.

so that I won't complain depriving or sleep because I wake up at this

erm... fucking 5 a.m.

I'm gonna finish my homework as soon as I get back home

and finish them as much as possible 

so that I'm not gonna repeat the mistakes I've done today

and I'm gonna waste my time talking nonsense in class anymore

but not all the time of course 

I've to change back myself to SPM-mood again!

like what I did for the past major exam

I know God likes to compare

and I'm afraid that He will punish me

because I didn't put much effort like I did in my SPM

I'm gonna deviate from my very first goal again

Yay, The bus didn't "put my aeroplane" ! ^^

Hm, time passes so fast
Thursday - went to Jusco to buy some books and CNY new clothes
then in the evening went outdoors games with friends
and ENY at night until 11 p.m.
Friday - Sleep / wake up again at school and eventually school ends
at night also play games, study a bit Physics
Saturday - went out the whole day, play games at night again
Sunday - Tuition out for the morning until evening
at night play games again
Monday - again, tuition =.= afternoon nap, then tuition agian
But I'm glad that the bus did turn up

As usual, as I stepped into my house
the first thing of course is search the table for anythings
that are edible. LOLLL
and it happened that my mum kept her promise
of buying my fav food from pasar malam
so I was like devoured it in less than 5 minutes
then of coz went upstairs to 38 awhile in her room
with my nephew and niece
which ended up with hugging
and their ass being pat or hit by me xD
and last but not least, some goodnight kiss xDDDD

So this is how my day ends

Ok
Maybe I was wrong about the friend stuffs
actually there are three terms in my "friend hierarchy"
Starting from companion > friend > confidante
those who falls to the category of confidante are very little
and those who falls to companion are ABUNDANT
But one thing I'd like to clarify
my secondary friends are what I call friends :)
because after so long, we still meet with each other
and talk non-stop about how ya is life going on
and "My Boys" < I'm not gay xD
we still play sports together, talk together
and any other guys' stuffs :D
whereas companion?
I'm not sure about what makes me term him/her as companion
and what are the criteria
maybe not so close friend or acquaintance
other than that
there are such friends that I encounter
if you never hang out with them much often
your ranking in "friend hierarchy" drops eventually
and such people I don't need them as my friends

Ok, my Thursday is awesome :)
it was like Finally we get to go out and meet together again :D
First, we went to Adda Heights park to exercise
the girls are jogging
while the boys play basketball
and surprisingly, Tiu turned up and
he appeared in basketball court LOL
and we kept on teasing him throughout our playtime at the basketball court

after about an hour or a half of sports
the girls have gone home taking bath
well the boys went straight to ENY
and then the usual gatherings x.x
eat, drink, talk, laugh, tease
and then we went home at about 11 p.m.
last but not least,
I'm happy that I get to shoot with a few friends  :D

Stuck with my projects again 

feel like asking the question in forum but not dare x.x

ask teachers?

well, I rather save the saliva for other uses

I went to recom.org forum again

and again, I was awe-inspired by the people there x.x

talks of A-level, SAM, IB Diploma

and ASEAN Scholarship, JPA etc etc

and other renowned universities like UNHM, Melbourne 

Suddenly the realization strucks me like a lightning bolt

There are still lots of people out there who are

far more outstanding than me

and so now, I shouldn't be so complacent

and slacking around doing nothing

like talking shits in the class x.x

But what I need now is motivation

and it seems like there is no motivation to spur me at all 

once again, I was devastated by a maths question again

Differentiation is so hard when it comes to proving an equation to be true 

Haizz, let's talk about the projects

really have no idea of how to do and start the project

not even a sample to refer except for General Studies

Again, I'd like complain about the school again

Why do we need to do the bullshit correction?
we're not kids anymore

if you insist on having us to do correction for every mistakes made

I think it will just encourage other people to copy the answers

straight from the answer pages behind 

not to mention

didn't the culture of Renaissance teach us to be more inquisitive

and ready to accept the new things?
well, I think 1 of our teacher failed this

because once again,

she insist using the conventional way of hers 

and she doesn't want to accept the ways which I formulated 

wth.

Speaking about the class

THE CLASS IS FREAKING BORING DO YOU KNOW ?!

So how to get motivated ?
every time feel like sleeping in the class

thank God that I do not even doze off in class at all 

Especially physics class .

General Studies class is ok

since the teacher is quite committed 

it's just my problem of not getting enough sleep

speaking of sleep

I also want to voice out my discontentment 

why the heck do I every time have to wake up at 5?! D:

why can't the auntie bus fetch other people first

before coming to fetch me!! D: 

Girls.

cheh, have lost my interest in them liao 

nowadays so sleepy and stress

and now I'm slacking again D:

because I'm stuck with the maths question

fine, should go and sleep now

Thursday is holiday, haven't done my CNY shopping yet

and Friday is a hang out day with old buddies ~   

What I can say is think of the positive side first

because after a hurricane, comes a rainbow

but after the rainbow, the hurricane will come and last for very long again x.x