*Testing testing
Why now my blog post can't be written in "poem form" ? =.=
o.O I think I found a way :P

Ok, the setting above is so not my mood
Let's talk about my Pre-U Life
It's quite fun la actually the school life
because my class is full of pranksters ahaha
Everytime lessons sure have a lot of jokes
and my friends and I are always up to many jokes :x

But sometimes despite the happy moments at school
when I've gone back to home,
I found that actually ... I'm quite lonely
Despair...
Lost...
Form 6 is really tough la
Overwhelm with mountainous homework.
The syllabus is quite hard also
A lot of difficult concepts, formulas
I found that it's actually the same with A-level
but what makes the difference is I'm pursuing this at a government institution
Haha, every time doing lab experiments
when encountering insufficient lab apparatus
I'll be sitting there, whining and complaining
"Aiya, government school is like that de la..."
Though, I'm still grateful that I met a lot of good people there

Seriously, every time when I'm doing my homework at home
I'm overwhelmed with a sense of lost
I'm really lonely
Because I feel like I'm the only contender in my own journey of life.
another thing is, I really don't find having a girlfriend appealing
haiz, no money, no car, geeky look
plus this is really not the suitable time to have a girlfriend.
Speaking of sense of lost, why?
I'm not sure what I've been doing now is worthy or not
Public speaking, Prefect, and more will be coming
I'm really lost ><
But doing nothing also doesn't do any good to be either
So, persevere it barh  :)

Finally, I found out that reason why I miss the past
Very long ago, I assume that I miss my friends in high school
but unfortunately, it's not
After I took my SPM cert, my whole life changed
the way I think, my philosophy
I miss the once naive, childish me
And not living in the fear of my future route
But after that day, which I took my SPM cert
Cruel realization struck me badly
yar.. Money rules the world
EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MONEY MONEY!
Without money, everyone can't survive.
Compare to my past,
as said before, I'm so naive that
I only know to study study
and I study without many worries
Now I'm in a situation in which
Does my hard work guarantee me a successful future?!
Does it worth my investment ?
Well, my participation in public speaking is the first approach
Being a prefect is the second approach.
and more and more will be coming
I really miss the past, the time when I'm living in a pleasant world
I really do not know why am I feeling in this way and doing so much thing
to show that I'm the strongest among my friends? Yes, maybe

an unchangeable fate
written by God
Honestly, I did not blame my fate
I'm still in search of the valuable values that I can reap in this arduous voyage.

That's all I wanna express
though I do not even give a damn to who's following my blog or reading it
it just simply serves as a platform for me to confide in.

"God wouldn't give yourself up if you haven't given up yourself"

Haizz, that Hamid Kuah keeps on glamorize me as the person who won the district level public competition. Being glamorized this way I feel very speechless =.= and I really don't intend to go any further already, just let it be :) Things that don't belong to me are not something that I can fight for it because after all, at the very beginning I just want the experience of public speaking. So I'll still try my best to speak at the state level, no choice >< I think I'd just ignore everyone like Grace and the teachers that are so keen to see me SOAR further and higher. So that's why Hamid Kuah glamorize me this way is a bit '....' . Hm so.. Teachers you're putting your hope and faith in the wrong person but I bet there're no other better person than me right? ^.^ this does cheer me a bit but still, I'll try my best lorrrrr -.- Now my weakness is that there are some words I couldn't pronounce it like the English does. Wait, why am I pondering upon that? -.- but the teachers will AGAIN call me for training, ditch away my mother tongue. Haizz sorry la if I couldn't win this but I really don't know why am I feeling so uneasy and sad if I couldn't win this state level D: this happens the day before the district level. Humans are selfish :) if I don't put a stop and go on, my academic will REALLY left a lot to be desired. But fine =.= I accept the challenge and tell myself that it's going to be alright after next DAUNTING Saturday, the day when the state level public speaking competition is going to be held. That time my life will be reverted to normal, FACEBOOK Marathon! Movies Marathon! and last but not least, those STUPID abandoned homework!!! Just 1 week more x.x I'll not surrender to you =.= and yupzz, NUS and your scholarship please don't fail me and make my sacrifices worth please.

Since like I've no other place to confide in again So I resort to this place.

It has been a week since the commencement of Secondary 6 But why did I still feeling boring? =.= Everyday I take a step into that school And I'm flinching by the awful thought of being in this school again well, come to think of it this is not the school problem or what it's my problem seriously I'm FUCKING sick of the environment surrounding me I don't know should I say the friends, the school or the teachers It's just I hate myself having to resort to taking Sec 6 whereas all my well-to-do friends are having a good time at colleges or other places with no worries of what their future might be. Why am I so sick of everything? I've yet to figure it out But one thing for sure MONEY, which is the root of evil is still ruling the world and it never stops ruling the world My life is really full of uncertainties I'm not sure whether can I make it to my dream or not I'm sick of everything D: My surrounding environment My friends Not because my friends are really bad or what It's just myself I find myself don't really chit-chat a lot at school like I used to last times Because what? The cruel realization that money never stops ruling the world Erhm, come to think of it I'm really lucky to have a "sohai" to seek solace of in Skype every night Actually, I don't really tell him everything But I don't really know what sustains the relationship between him and me Maybe he's in the same situation with me SICK OF EVERYTHING AROUND US BHAHAHAHAH! I hope myself never being born to this world But since I was granted this chance to being born to this "beautiful" world I would never give up ... To give up would mean surrender to my fate God? I still believe God although starvation, famine, injustice are prevalent everywhere And I'd strive for the best to keep Him writing my success story and I'm more than just one piece in this story :x (Sorry, my sense of humour still haven't die out huh?)

Oh
I found out that I don't live a fucking life
my life is just getting bitchy :P

If you read my post
You're in directly fucking me
because I'm fucking boring to dead ~~~~~
Why am I so fucking boring?
Maybe because I'm too tired of my fucking life
that I don't even fucking know that what am I doing now
and what fucking post am I typing using my fucking keyboard~~~

Yes
I need some entertainment which simply,
and also FUCKING
excites me

I fucking hate sitting in front of the computer
whining about how fucking is my life
but this is what fucking thing I can do for the time being /.\

Eventually, I'd turned into some kind of fucking person nowadays
WHY?
Actually
I don't even fucking know the reason
HAHAHA
I'm self-entertaining myself fuckingly.
It seems like I failed badly.
Byes

Yesterday night
I was flipping here and there
and thought of many things ..

I'm still
wearing a mask always
comparing Wern Yean with my other recent friends
I don't even wear a mask, or maybe a thin one
when I'm with Yean
but with other friends?
I'm always wearing a mask
which seems pure and innocent, maybe thick too, to others
but it might not be the one that the mask itself expected by others

Never mind the fact that it's like that
With Yean, I can talk a lot, even joke
and teasing each other
though it does the same for me and my other friends
but there's something lack of, which until now,
I still can barely recognize what it's

I confide a lot to her, more to the extend of me confiding to my friend
and I think she did the same too
once she told me a secret
and said that I may not reveal the secret to others
and I laughed at her that I'd no one to reveal to

Though
I'm still very good in terms of speaking with my current friends
but still, some thing is lack of at there
With her, I feel I'm more 'same class' with her
and she will listen and give some comments
maybe, "in exchange"
she'll told me some of her secrets too :）
that'd not be much barrier setting up between us
or if it does, the barrier is just a breakable one
whereas it's not the same if I'm with my current friends

I have come to this mind at the end of my thoughts
I don't need many friends
though I don't have many also
I had my mum, a home like this
and a very good confidante like her
I'm blessed.
who said one needs to have a lot of friends to live a happy life?